We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize