If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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