i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
we made out on top of his cat.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
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