i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Randomize
