I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
