Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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