I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
