Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
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