Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
