I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
