3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
