Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
