You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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