Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
