feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
