I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I believe in your delicious
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
