my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
