white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
