I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
