Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
