Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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