take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
