marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
