dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
