I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
