well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
