I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
