ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
