he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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