Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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