tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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