I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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