Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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