How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
