She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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