now i know why i became what i already was.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
