i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
