I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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