Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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