i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
