she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
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Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
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Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize