Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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