So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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