saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
