your parents love me but you hate me
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
