I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize