dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
