Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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