Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
