I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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