I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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