At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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