You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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