That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize