Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
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There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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