1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I didn't notice because vodka
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
