Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
