I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
