I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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