Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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