is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
