im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
