ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
