Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
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