And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
