i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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