idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
