Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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