We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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