Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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