Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I wish you could order shots online.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You had me at "let me see your balls"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
