I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
