he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize