This is not my ceiling
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
