We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
